Repentance, an Ugly Word or a Gracious Gift


I want to share with you what I learned of my own emotional patterns in case you can relate.   I must be careful as the only unforgivable sin in the Holy Scripture is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. And Jesus gave the example of that right after He spoke of it. Which is attributing to Satan the things of The Holy Spirit. If Satan war against Satan his kingdom shall fall.

So, I myself, have to remember not to jump too quickly into the blame, label game. Especially because any guilt I carry inside myself could result in self accusation, which in turn triggers me to emotional and psychological defense mode. Guilt produces self loathing, That means internally or subconsciously beating oneself up in an emotional pattern that punishment will somehow render me pure or good. This idea was taught to most of us as children. This pattern called the blame game can be very deep seeded from childhood by punishments & spankings, and is often very subconscious. In attempts to relieve guilt and to avoid self punishment I may quickly look for someone else to call “bad” just to get a temporary relief from guilt. This is a carnal pattern VERY common. Just look around.

Most people are unaware of this emotional process of finger pointing and punishment. But it’s typical of most humans because it is a knee-jerk emotional survival skill that 99% of people use or have used. To know oneself is the most difficult task a human has. Why? Because we know only crime and punishment by habit. We must incorporate Grace into our self relationship. Call you bad then I am good. Call you Satan then I am good. Please, I am calling you human not bad. The reason most people refuse to look into their own heart is because once they see they are corrupt they don’t know how to accept themselves except by either self punishment or blaming others. To appear “good”to myself I use my blinding skill of denial. But friends, our heart knows the truth and what is needs.  Our heart struggles desperately to be heard by our practical intellect.  The heart does not need to make sense of things.  We must not write off our heart’s voice because it doesn’t make sense to our intellect.  Let not your own intellect silence your greatest hearts voice and need to be heard. Self acceptance is seldom accomplished through prayer alone. It takes prayer and work.

We must face who we are and what we have done. We must face the one thing we swear never to tell a soul about ourselves. And confess it to our brethren, we must confess our deepest darkest secrets of woe and expose them to the light. Not just to God but also to an understanding, caring, relating, man, (confess your sins one to another…) to a human who will not judge us, someone who will be empathic and relate to what we feel and have done no matter how wretched it is. Murder, abortion, sexual crimes, perversions, PLEASE THERE ARE ONLY SEVEN DEADLY SINS, nothing new under the sun. THESE DARKEST SINS MUST BE CONFESSED TO A HUMAN then we must process (by writing, screaming, crying, guttural sounds etc even sometimes physical works like punching a bag to get out deep pain) the deep and debilitating feelings attached to our crimes, and to CRIMES DONE TO US like pain, guilt, hurt.

Men tend to go straight from hurt to anger not passing go, why? Hurt makes us feel weak and vulnerable, our walls spring up. Our walls my friend are what separate us from God. We must allow God to see all of our heart not just the clean parts. Anger is easier to carry than hurt and pain. This realization is a process in self acceptance. Going back to the past is a necessary evil for self acceptance.

Humble yourself before God and you will retain Grace. Humble yourself before man and you will gain humility. Humility is the crux of godliness. I have a choice to make, or just keep blaming others to feel good which is the counterfeit for emotional health and what MOST humans do. As facing ourselves takes courage, and admitting we have been wronged by those we love most well, it cuts through false pride and slices up our strong delusions of self denial. I could be wrong.

For more work on emotional health and how to stop the blame game go to my recovery site.  I have noticed Christians are very much like addicts with their emotional survival skills of blame and self punishment.  Solutions to these desperate patterns are at this site.

Please ignore the “Higher Power” stuff at Recovery Farmhouse sites as addicts tend to shut down at the mention of the One True God…so in my writing I try to work them into it slowly as they do in AA.  Many people get stuck in using a doorknob as their God while others in AA get led to Christ by the higher power topic.   St. Paul said  “I become all things to all people for the gospel sake”.  Furthermore the 12 steps can benefit anyone who wants to improve their relationship with themselves, others and God.

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